A Haunted House (2013)

Haunted

010Dave’s 3-Word Review:
Not Remotely Funny

Marlon Wayans is one heck of a funny guy. Throughout the past, he has genuinely come up with some great material, and has been seen in over-the-top hilarious roles. He helped create the Scary Movie parody series, but left after the second release. The first two films in the series are often seen as the best, not only because of the Wayans’ performances, but also because of what they have provided for the comedic series. It was sad to see them go for certain fans, so could Marlon Wayans return with a bang for A Haunted House?

If you have seen Paranormal Activity, then you know the plot of A Haunted House. A couple moves into a new house, and apparently, Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) has a plan to document everything, hoping to sneak in some late night action as well. Soon, Kisha (Essence Atkins) and Malcolm realize that their house is haunted, a curse that she inevitably brought with her upon arrival. From this point forward, the movie goes full-comedy mode, and removes the rest of a plot. The two pretty much learn to live with the ghost for a large remainder of the film.

Alright, first and foremost, it needs to be established that the long-awaited Scary Movie sequel is now a new release in theaters, and it has the same plot, literally. Without even seeing the other film, you can probably guess it would be better based on the history of the Scary Movie series. There were certain things that Scary Movie did right that this just didn’t. First of all, it had a great cast with loveable characters, all of which interact with each other extremely well. It had unexpected guest appearances from well-known actors and celebrities doing outrageous things, almost like what you would find in Movie 43. Next, it had great set designs, and very close musical scores. It made people want to come back for more, this didn’t. I don’t mean to sound as if I am comparing apples and oranges, I am just using examples as to things it could have easily done to avoid a complete failure.

A Haunted House had no plot. After it has been established that there was a ghost in the house, the couple had no real plans to get rid of it. After a couple brushes with colorful characters trying to use their psychic abilities to get in-tune with the spirit, the couple pretty much decide to simply live with it, and that’s just how it is. It is clear that all the filmmakers wanted to do in this movie is to gather Scary Movie audiences and make a buck off of a few mediocre laughs. Just look at the poster, it looks nearly identical to a scary movie poster. Withough a plot, the film has no meaning, parody or not. Even the worst parodies imaginable usually have a plot, even if it is a complete copy/paste job from the original source that they are parodying.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t even feel like a parody. Yes, it feels like a parody for Paranormal Activity, but the other references are so dull and barely put in there that you just don’t understand how this can be a parody. With ten thousand fart jokes and gay jokes, the movie becomes a disappointment from Wayans, and makes us just want to see how the pros do it over at the land of Scary Movie.

This just isn’t the movie to see, guys. It’s pretty bad; it’s not even remotely funny. At best, it has a few so-so scenes, but if anyone braves the film enough to watch it straight through most likely won’t have the inspiration to purchase a copy, or even rent it later in life just to check out again. A Haunted House comes to Blu-Ray and DVD on April 23! Be afraid, be very afraid.

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2 thoughts on “A Haunted House (2013)

  1. The movie just tried way, way too hard and hit barely any funny bones in my body at all. Even the one moment where I did laugh, it was all because it was something done by Eddie Murphy when he talked about black people reacting to ghosts in their house. Nice review Dave.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Zombieland (2009) | Dave Examines Movies

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