Dave’s 3-Word Review:
Not a must-see.
How many movies can you honestly say that you’ve seen the whole series when the “whole series” is 12 films? That’s a lot. Honestly, it’s too much. However, thanks to good ol’ Paramount Studios, Friday the 13th films just kept coming…like a biblical plague. However, if you did see all of the films, you at least have the ability to say that you did. The only Jason film that I said “buy” for was Freddy vs. Jason.
- Friday the 13th
- Friday the 13th : Part 2
- Friday the 13th : Part 3
- Friday the 13th : The Final Chapter
- Friday the 13th : A New Beginning
- Friday the 13th : Jason Lives
- Friday the 13th : The New Blood
- Friday the 13th : Jason Takes Manhattan
- Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
- Freddy vs. Jason
- Jason X
- Friday the 13th : Remake
The Story of Jason Vorhees [Spoilers. Ye be warned]
Once upon a time, there was a little boy with the most disfigured face you have ever met. That little boy’s name was Jason Vorhees. Well little Jason had some trouble swimming, and one day at Camp Crystal Lake, when the camp counselors were too busy doin’ it, Jason drowned, and his mother understandably went crazy. She then went unreasonably crazy and killed everyone. Every time anyone would come to that camp, his mother would kill them, blaming them for her son’s death. Little did she know…Jason lived on. He escaped his doom.
Jason lived on and on one fateful night, Jason’s mother’s got what she deserved. A quick chopping off of the head. Well, Jason placed a bag over his ugly head and started taking over his mother’s work, that is until he found a hockey mask and wore that instead. His victims began to postulate how to kill him, because he was one tough man that ate his green beans real good. Finally, they figured it out, they chopped him into little bits.
Well, the little boy who actually chopped Jason up grew up feeling paranoid and crazy that Jason was after him. Turns out he really was crazy, and it was just a copycat killing people, but that didn’t stop the boy’s paranoia. So he went out to Jason’s grave and dug him up. Well, the big doof accidentally brought Jason back to life Frankenstein’s Monster style, which made Jason a disfigured and supernatural zombie killing machine.
They tried drowning him twice, but that only pissed him off more. Finally, they figured it out. Through his long lost sister that never existed before, they found out that through a Vorhees he can die. So with a special “Vorhees” dagger, his family member stabs him dead, and creatures from Hell drag him below.
Is Hell enough to stop ol’ hockey face? Absolutely not, because down there is where he meets Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street, who (through the mask of his mother) orders Jason to return to Earth, and terrorize kids on Elm Street. Jason obeys, but Freddy gets tired and fights Jason himself. Neither win, and Jason walks away, alive as ever.
Fast forward to the beginning of the 21st century, where Jason has been captured by the government. He is placed in a cryogenic chamber for 455 years, and taken into space when his body is discovered. In space, he just starts killing astronauts until their future gear transforms him into Uber Jason, an even more unstoppable force, until they suck him out into space, heading towards Earth 2.
Sorry for the rushed synopsis, but honestly…that’s 12 movies, it’s hard to get the point across. However, each film more or less had the same structure. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a very deep structure, and the story often had disposable characters that no one cares about and a plot that is virtually nonexistent. Because of that, I basically skip this entire series. The only one really worth checking into is Freddy vs. Jason. That’s just cool.