Unaccompanied Minors (2006)


Dave’s 3-Word Review:
Better if younger.

Get your pens and pencils ready, boys and girls, because Mr. Dave is going to teach you a lesson in perception. Perception is that tricky little thing your mind plays on you that makes you think stupid things are awesome. As an adult, you’re aware of the perception filter more when you’re drunk off your hinges. What I’m referring to, however, is taste which matures from youth to adulthood. There are plenty of movies you’d enjoy as a kid but looking back find it utterly unwatchable. I’m not saying Unaccompanied Minors is unwatchable, but I clearly had an undeveloped taste in film in 2006…which is sad, because I was 18 then. Unaccompanied Minors has a lot that I hate, but there are certain things I’m fine with, but let’s first break down the plot.

Remember that one film, Home Alone? Well, Unaccompanied Minors is pretty much Home Alone, but on a different scale. Basically, we have a bunch of kids that are a part of broken families travelling cross country on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with the “other” parent. So they are “unaccompanied minors”. When the airport shuts down, they are stuck in the airport with each other and a scrooge-y airport director bent on tormenting them throughout the holiday.

In a nutshell: Home Alone meets The Terminal.

Like I said, there are things I do and don’t like about the film, so I’ll go ahead and mention what I do like. First and foremost – the kids. All of these kids are great in their roles and they work so well together. So well, in fact, that I wouldn’t mind seeing them in a sequel, even though they are all grown up now…but the script to the sequel would have to be loads better than this. Which brings me to my second point – the message of the film is very admirable. It is about building a family because the kids are already victims of a broken one. Now, the romance angle felt too strange with these young kids and all that, but I kind of get it…I would have preferred them to stick to the idea of family though and acted like brother and sister.

What I didn’t like about the movie kind of shined brighter. One of my biggest pet peeves here wasn’t the kids, but the adults. In order to make this film more enjoyable to kids, they made the adults really, really stupid. What that does is make kids look super cool and stays true to how kids might view adults, but on the other hand, it just…looks…stupid. The acting is horrible from the adults, and yeah, that effects the rest of the film. The dialogue is also a butcher to listen to, and what could have been great changed everything to something so bad it’s ridiculous. That being said, the best actor out of everyone in this film is unfortunately Rob Corddry. Anytime Rob Corddry is the best actor of a production, you know someone failed somewhere down the line.

Kids will really love the film because it doesn’t take much for a kid to enjoy anything. When they get older though, they won’t ever want to see it again. Hint, hint, movie-makers. This is another one of those Christmas films that I know I watched but got lost somewhere in my psyche. I was hoping it would have been better this time around, but I do believe we have a dead one here, folks. Nothing to see here, move along.

The Good:

Without a doubt, it was the kids working together which was the best part. They had some good chemistry which almost made this film bearable.

The Bad:

A lot, but I’m just going to stick with the blatant horrible acting from the parents, and the whole idea that Rob Corddry was the best part of the movie.

Memorable Quote:

Oliver Porter: Who trained you kids? The Navy SEALs?

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