A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)


Dave’s 3-Word Review:
This is bullhonky.

I’m a fan of Seth MacFarlane. Well, sort of. I like the things he voices sometimes, but everytime I see him, as an actor or host, I am beyond annoyed. A Million Ways to Die in the West was of course, a movie made by him, promoted as – the movie from the guy that brought you Ted. Ted, of course, was a success for the most part – and what better way than to reel in that specific audience? Well, ever since I heard about this movie, I’ve never been interested. There’s not a plot point nor trailer that got me interested because – well…because a lot of reasons. Was I wrong? Did it actually pay off? No.

So here we go. A Million Ways to Die in the West centers on Seth’s character, Albert. Now, Al is a farmer who tends to sheep, but that’s not important. What’s important is…I guess not a whole lot. He waddles around the screen complaining about how easy it is to die in the old west, making self-aware humor that only people in the present would understand, and then he falls in love with Charlize Theron, who is a gunslinger’s girlfriend…so…that can’t be good…or something.

I’ll tell you something, Seth MacFarlane’s ability to write self-aware humor has always been his best attribute. Always. It’s not always the best, but among everything else, we at least had that going for us for his projects…or at least we thought. This is one movie where his “self-aware” comedy is barely there, or at least barely registering. He’s clearly making jokes about the past – but he’s making points that we’ve already heard a thousand times over…who cares? The only thing that has a thread of humor in it – is just…the offbeat random things that go on – like the whole thing with Doc Brown. That was brilliant! It just wasn’t enough to sustain the comedy.

The comedy would have actually worked a little better had they written the story and characters better. I’m not kidding when I say that I couldn’t even believe Seth’s character. He’s supposed to be this lowly farmer that is more or less an outcast, and everything about that man just doesn’t match up. He’s more like the city bully – or one of the villains’ side men that doesn’t say anything – just spits on the ground. I can believe that. Then, we have the story of the film, which is so jumbled up and so incoherent that even that is pointless!

Seriously…what’s the point in even watching this movie? It’s not funny, it’s casted entirely wrong, the story is all over the place…there’s almost nothing good about the movie.

The Good:

Hmm, well…when it first starts, it clearly had an impressive cast. It also had a really cool scene with Doc Brown from Back to the Future.

The Bad:

That’s it, the rest is pure poop smears.


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