Planes: Fire and Rescue (2014)


Dave’s 3-Word Review:
I hate myself.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Not the movie, me. Though the movie isn’t all that fantastic either. I’m just angry at myself for even deciding to watch this thing in the first place. The only, and I really mean only, reason I watched it is because a big part of my website is dedicated to watching the movies that people are talking about – either through praise or hatred. Planes: Fire and Rescue is one of those movies people scoff at, and are completely baffled as to how it came to be when no one even wanted, nor cared for the first one. Heck, the same can be said about the third movie, which is apparently a thing, too. Well…I decided to throw myself into the lions den this time and watch the film…and I wasn’t surprised at all as to how it turned out.

Planes: Fire and Rescue continues the story of racing plane, Dusty Crophopper (Dane Cook) in his adventures past his racing days. Yes, yes, because the model of his plane is so god-awful old – there is a gearbox in the plane that has no replacement parts anywhere on the planet, or so it would seem. So when that stops working, his racing days are suddenly done… apparently, forever. So instead of racing, he apparently goes to his next adventure – which is fire-flighting. Yes. Dusty turns into a plane that specializes in putting out random fires in random forests. Or something.

At least in the first film, I had the opportunity to say that it had some really good messages, despite being a useless movie that no one really asked for, but I can’t even say that for the sequel. The film, in all honesty, feels like it glorifies the positive repercussions of settling in life. You may not end up following your dreams or passions…but what you do end up with might not be all that bad, right? Important in kind of a realistic light, but even so – it sounds really weird coming from a little kid’s movie. Plus, that goes against what the first film taught – which was to follow your dreams no matter how impossible they may seem.

The reason behind it all makes sense though, which is something I can respect. I’m talking about a fresh plot. Something that involves all of the main characters of the first, introducing new ones, and changing up the entire atmosphere of the film. It’s not racing this time, it’s fire-fighting. On a primitive layer, that’s very respectable – but then again, I don’t care. I can see how they got there, but it doesn’t feel natural. It feels really forced, and the overall pacing has a huge problem because of that.

I’m not kidding here when I say I was bored. I was. Tenfold. I didn’t care about the story, I didn’t care about the transitions between subplots…I didn’t care about anything. My mind was elsewhere because the entire film is clearly geared for the little kiddoes – and has no substance to stay important in their lives for years to come. They’ll go to the theaters, and jump for joy while they suck their thumbs and watch all the action and colors on the screen…and then they’ll leave and forget about the whole thing – end of story, and that is why Planes: Fire and Rescue is simply not worth your time.

The Good:

If you have a baby or toddler, they’ll probably enjoy the film because there is a lot of interesting elements going on in the area of graphics. It’s bright, it’s fast-paced, and the colors are pretty vibrant.

The Bad:

This isn’t a movie that will be important for any man, woman, or child. It won’t stick with any audience member for years to come, and I certainly doubt that it’ll find it’s way to your Blu-Ray collection…that is, unless you’re looking for a new door stop.

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