Dave’s 3-Word Review
Koo Koo Kachoo.
Well then. Where to begin? A while back, I saw a fellow reviewer, Tom from Digital Shorbread – make a few less-than-positive comments about a film called Tusk. I had never heard of this film and made it a downright personal goal not to look up the film until I saw it. I did this because I’m not really known to hate movies and wanted to go into the film completely blind just so I can make an objectionable argument/discussion with Tom over the film and if it was really that bad…or maybe had some good components as well. Tusk is certainly a different movie all around, and it might break your brain.
It’s ultimately about a raunchy podcaster by the name of Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) who is looking for the perfect story to talk about in his next podcast episode – and to get that story, he travels to Canada. It is in the land of the maple leaves where he finds an old geezer that lives in the middle of nowhere who has a grand story to tell. Only…when Wallace gets to the house, strange things begin to happen – because the old geezer has alternate plans for Wallace’s future. Back home, his best pal Teddy (Haley Joel Osment) and main squeeze Ally (Genesis Rodriguez) search high and low for him alongside a washed out ex-cop (Johnny Depp).
Well guess what? I’m at a complete loss of words. This is the weirdest movie I have ever seen. Apparently, it was based off of an episode of a podcast that Kevin Smith (director, writer) actually took part in. Let me tell you how that podcast works – the podcasters ramble on randomly about whatever they want, and they basically made a movie off of that…that’s great. So on top of books, television, video games, and toys – we’re also getting movies based on podcast episodes. I do have to admit in retrospect the whole “Based off actual events” title was pretty funny.
So this is a horror/comedy in the general sense. As a horror, it is a creature feature. I won’t get into it much more than to say it has something to do with walruses…and tusks. Any more and I would be spoiling this incredibly random and peculiar film. The comedy aspect of it, on the other hand, goes full comedy. Complete with funny and odd characters with humorous accents and disguises. You have Justin Long with his horrible moustache, Johnny Depp with his strange Frenchman prose, and of course – Haley Joel Osment’s face. Seriously, it was like his head had grown, but his face itself was still the same as in The Sixth Sense.
When you get right down to brass tax, however, the comedy wasn’t funny and the horror wasn’t scary – it was just weird. It had some interesting elements to it as far as pacing and direction went, but the second Justin Long passed out for the first time, the movie took a dive head-first into “what the crap”-opolis. I don’t even know what to make of the film. I certainly won’t be buying it or recommending it to anyone any time soon…and if anyone expresses interest, I don’t think I’ll tell them to stay away either. If anyone brought up Tusk, I’m likely to just turn around and walk away. If they want to watch it, fine, but I don’t want to be a part of the discussion that follows afterwards.
So, Tom. I had a feeling we would have opposite views on this film because I rarely hate films and often feel an obligation to give them the credit they rightfully deserve – especially for films that take a more creative, original, and bold move in terms of storytelling. I have to say that although there was a level of professional filmmaking to Tusk, the general peculiarity of the thing is a little too unbearable to keep talking about it. So without further ado – you were right about this movie. I admit it. Bravo.
Johnny Depp…because Johnny Depp reasons.
Re-read my review if you must.