Dave’s 3-Word Review:
Absolutely no point.
Who needs Christmas movies when you have terribly pointless horror movies instead!? In all seriousness, The Conjuring really was a horror film that people more or less enjoyed for some reason. I thought it was just okay, but the one main issue I had with it was the stupid Annabelle doll. I’ve never understood the fascination with dolls in scary movies…because to me, they’ve never been even remotely creepy, and when people insist that they are, I just can’t help but rolling my eyes and laughing. So here we are; a prequel to one of last year’s biggest horror films. Annabelle was pretty much exactly what I figured it would be: stupid.
So you want a plot, do you? Well how’s this – a married couple is getting ready for their life together, as the wife is soon to give birth to a baby girl. Now, the baby’s room has an assortment of antique dolls and Annabelle is simply the newest one. Their next door neighbors lost a daughter a few years back thanks to a satanic cult, and one fateful day, their cult daughter returns home to kill them and transfer their demonic…stuff – to the Annabelle doll. So now, the doll is full of demon stuff and makes life a living hell for our lead characters.
Such a solid story, huh?! More like a really clumsily put together plot in my opinion. They had to figure out how to tell the story of the possessed doll from the manufactured, factory settings, to the actual possession, until it found its way into the hands of the Warrens from The Conjuring. Okay, but none of that was necessary. The first movie actually already self-contained an origin story of the doll which worked just fine. This movie was basically saying – okay…but this is what happened before that. For crying out loud, who cares? Even in The Conjuring, the doll story wasn’t even important…it was just a gimmick to introduce you to the Warrens – but people just love their possessed doll movies.
Why do people insist that dolls are creepy in the horror genre anyway? It was the stupidest, most annoying part of The Conjuring. In my opinion, if anything watered down the terrifying moments of the original movie – it was the bloody doll. Yes, it looks creepy and no one in their right mind would buy that thing for an infant – but not because it’s possessed…because it looks like it was created just to frighten youngsters. I agree on that, but you don’t need an entire movie centered around it, because in all honesty, the movie was so…so…boring.
The film was partially boring thanks to the casting. Our two main leads were so generic, two-dimensional, disposable, picture-perfect, and fake that it looks like they came straight from a television commercial about some new medication that everyone loves. They have no chemistry in any good or bad capacity. You can’t tell that they love each other, and they never fight as any married couple would…they are just there to fill in the story. The actors could hate each other off-screen and I wouldn’t even be surprised.
So no, it’s not scary. There are some obvious in-your-face jumping moments that don’t really work unless you’ve never seen a scary movie in your life. There is one specific moment in the movie that seems to work really well with tugging on your “scared of the dark” fears…but that lasts less than about three minutes and the rest sucks again.
If I could pick one main positive that the film holds, it would no doubt have to be within the visuals. It’s not a terribly amateur-looking movie…it definitely looks Hollywood-grade.
It’s just not what anyone should consider good horror. It’s not scary, the characters make the movie so unbearably boring, and again – dolls are not scary.