Review – Colombiana (2011)


colombiana-53fe4d9a6f02aWelcome to Assassin Week: Day 5. Today is the final day of Assassin Week. Next week, I’ll be reviewing Kids films from Sunday to Saturday, so it’ll be a bit of a long week, but we have got some good movies in there, so it should be good. Colombiana was a movie that I’ve been meaning to watch practically since I heard about it, but it always slipped on by for the last seven years, but it always looked interesting enough, so I thought I’d finally give it a try. Was it all I imagined and more? In some ways, sure, but in others…not so much. Let’s go ahead and begin with the plot.

A young woman grows up to be a stone-cold assassin after witnessing her parents’ murder as a child in Bogota. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target – the mobster responsible for her parents’ death. – IMDb

My greatest wish was for this movie to be unique and different, but the most unique part of this film is probably the fact that the killer is a woman. At the true heart of Colombiana, it’s really just a revenge plot about a woman going after the person who killed her family – which I literally just saw in Leon: The Professional, except that was more unique, as it was just a child being taught how to be a killer. They skipped over that part in this film and just fast-forwarded to the point where the girl is the woman and is still a killer, but that’s still ultimately how she started off. A young girl who wants to be taught how to be a killer, or in Leon, a “cleaner”.

Yet, no matter the originality, or lack thereof, the execution of the film was still very well done and exciting, and that’s something that you can’t take away from any movie. Originality is important, but how important is it if you can still really get into a movie? Think about that, and we’ll break it down and interpret the stars for Colombiana.


Acting – 2|Characters – 1|Casting – 1|Importance – 1|Chemistry – 2

The first thing I noticed while watching Colombiana was that the category for people could have easily been better if they just focused more on what makes it tick. While the acting is well done (mostly by Zoe Saldana), and the chemistry actually works, for the most part, nothing else stood out. That means that the only character that was truly memorable was Saldana’s character. Same goes for casting. Saldana seems like a perfect casting choice, but literally, anybody else could have been cast for every other role in the film. Also with the importance, you have her taking revenge on people that have literally zero backstories or anything else that separates them. They are quite literally random goons that she’s mad at. That takes away how deep the film could’ve easily gotten, which is a bit of a disappointment.

Dialogue – 1|Balance – 2|Story – 1|Originality – 0|Interesting – 2

Next up, we have the writing category, which really didn’t get a fantastic score, either. The interesting thing about this film is that it almost got convoluted. Zoe’s character is on a path of revenge and her uncle keeps trying to give her random assassination scores, and she insists on keeping things balanced and furthering her manhunt, which I consider is very smart and interesting. I also think, in general, this film is just fascinating, but nothing else about the writing stood out. The dialogue was all typical stuff you’ll forget the instant it stops, the story is so-so. What I mean by that is, it’s utterly unoriginal, but it interests you enough to keep watching anyways.

BTS SCORE – 9/10
Visuals – 2|Directing – 2|Editing – 2|Advertisement – 2|Music – 1

Here we go, we finally have a good score, and it is found within the category of stuff going on behind-the-scenes. So, let’s take a gander. The visuals were actually fun to watch, it looked nice, and the director himself was able to use camerawork to his advantage to make the audience really appreciate what they’re watching. The editing was especially good, as you normally can come to expect from fast action films like this. It is completely as-advertised, but there isn’t really anything about the music that I cared about.

Introduction – 1|Inciting Incident – 1|Obstacles – 2|Climax – 2|Falling Action – 1

Usually, the narrative arc has no issues getting a high score, that is, unless the pacing is a little confusing. When considering how well the narrative arc does, I mostly don’t care how they do it; I care more about the clarity on how they do it, and the introduction and inciting incident blend together in a way that doesn’t shout clarity. You can see it two ways, either there is no going back when her family is killed and she runs out, which means there is no introduction at all, or you can say THAT is the introduction and the inciting incident is when she tells her uncle she wants to learn how to be a killer…but since both can be considered as such, I had to only give half points to both elements there, which is definitely strange, but whatever. Okay, so the obstacles really comes down to doing what she does to get to her target without getting caught, the climax is pretty strong and a good culmination of everything before it, but again, there’s really not much falling action or any real new norm, so half points for that as well.

Rewatchability – 2|Fun – 2|Sucks you in – 1|Impulse/Buy – 0|Impulse/Talk

Don’t be discouraged when you see half points here, though. A 5/10 score for entertainment basically means 10 – it is perfectly entertaining. If it was rated 10/10, that would basically mean it blew my pants right off because it was so entertaining that I had to pick myself off the floor from it. Five stars still means it was perfectly entertaining. Anyways, it was an incredibly fun movie that I wouldn’t have any issues ever rewatching. It sucks you in quite a lot, but unfortunately, it doesn’t retain that suckage throughout the length of the film. I don’t think I’d buy it, own it, or really care to tell people about it, but it still ended up being pretty entertaining.

Assassin Week – 10|Action – 10|Zoe Saldana – 10|Drama – 5|Halfway Decent – 10

Now for the five questions that I asked before seeing the film. For Assassin week, we have a pretty decent assassin film in general, so I have to give that full points. It may not have been fully original, but the execution was well done, so it deserves that, which also awards full points to the action aspect of it. There are a lot of smart moves that Saldana manages to pull off in this film, which brings us to Saldana, as far as her movies go, this was more than halfway decent and I’ll definitely consider it one of her best solo movie performances.

TOTAL – 79/100

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